Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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