allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
