Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
