Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
