I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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