We won't sleep together?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We got so high we made milksteak
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
