my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
