I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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