So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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