if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
