this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
