addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
