Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
