i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
