someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
