I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
