I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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