I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
