now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
