I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
