Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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