I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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