so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
