why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
