probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who died my cat blue again?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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