you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
