why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love you. Go after that dick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
