I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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