I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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