question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
