I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
