Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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