Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
