If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
