And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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