What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
