Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
