We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
