thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
