xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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