Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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