So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
