I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
