You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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