I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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