You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
