Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize