Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
