I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
