She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
