I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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