Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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