think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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