it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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