Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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