I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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